Big Birthday...

So, last weekend I turned 32. Reaching this age has always scared the hell out of me - my father passed away when he was 32. I seemed to think that by this age, I'm no longer a kid, I should have all the answers, I should have it all figured out. So, starting in November, I started feeling a little freaked out knowing that this age was coming - and quick.

I know that this may all seem a bit unrealistic, and it is. But even though your head says something, your "subconscious" carries those old beliefs from years of conditioning. It was as if my mind said, "You better make it count and do it all before you reach 32." And boy, did I believe it. I found the person I wanted to spend my life with before I even graduated high school, got a full-time job, went to school, finished a degree, finished another degree, finished a master's degree, traveled around the country for work, landed the job I always wanted, bought a house, and settled down. I was done before I was 30.

I had thoughts of going to Disneyland for my 32nd birthday - I thought that this birthday should be big, as if I were going to leave the earth in the next year for whatever reason. However, the funds, and the timing, didn't work out.

My mom called me in January and asked me, "If you were going to go to Chicago, when would you go?" (I had been to Chicago for a business trip in May, on Mother's day. I went to the Shedd Aquarium and spent all day missing my mom, because she would have loved it.) She said, "I want to offer you a trip to Chicago. You pick the dates. It's for your Birthday." (I took my mom to Disneyland for her birthday a few years ago so she could see Tinkerbell fly. She will always have a part of her that never grows up.) This gift was one of the best gifts anyone could give me. It was as if she said, "You still have a lot of living to do, and we're going to start in Chicago."

I was also challenged in November to do things I enjoy. I froze - what do I really enjoy? I mean, there's playing video games, but that gets kind of mind-numbing after a while. There had to be more, right? I thought long and hard about what I'd like to try. This year, I'm going to try it.

So, here's my short list of things I plan to do this year.

• Go to Chicago: Thanks to Mom, this is planned.
• Find a book club: I think I might have this one in the bag - we'll find out at the end of the month.
• Go to San Francisco with my husband: Steve has been awarded a trip to San Francisco for his sales record (in other words, busting his butt for years and pulling the highest sales out of his group.) I am very excited to join him on this trip.
• Volunteer at the Pet Super-Adoption with CAWS: I love this organization - it's been a great adventure to volunteer with them, and have I mentioned I love the animals?
• Go to Fish Lake with my in-laws: This is one vacation that I would like to make a tradition. We don't get to spend much time with Steve's parents outside of our weekly dinners.
• Ride my bike: I just got a bike for my birthday (Thank you Honey!) I've been taking spin classes for a year and would love to feel the freedom I used to feel when I was a kid, with the added benefit of extra calories burned. This needs to be an ongoing commitment to myself.
• Become healthier than I am now: I've lost 20 lbs over a year and have improved my heath. 20 lbs isn't a lot considering my current weight, but it's better than nothing. Instead of saying I"m going to loose X number of lbs, I just want to be healthier than I am now - to find one or two things that I can do better than I can do right now.
• Go to one afternoon matinee at the Babcock Theather: I went to one as a college course requirement, and rather enjoyed the discussion with the directors that comes after the Saturday matinee. I want to do this one more time.
• Cuddle with Steve: OK, so this is something I already do - but there's no place I'd rather be than in his arms. Not even Disneyland beats that.

OK, so it's not a short list. But hopefully by next year, I can look at this and say, "Yes, I did."